run in place.

I get in these moods sometimes where I can't figure out what I should be doing that might be productive (like actually finishing the writing I've started). So I generally just follow the white rabbit I call iTunes Genius and let it dictate music I love until I nearly drain my bank account and have nothing but further introspection and melancholy to show for it.

And believe me, it's twice as fun as it sounds ;).

I like finding new music. And generally, I like to discuss music with people. Lately, I've found that I really hate discussing music with people who think they're open-minded or "indie" only to find that they are in fact elitists who simply want to tell me I haven't arrived...

Question: Where am I going? I forget this whole "arriving" thing... not sure I bought a ticket, thanks.

What else annoys me...

Ah, yes. The hovering. End it already. Clearly, its generating no response that you could possibly deem positive. I'm all but tucking tail and running away. I'm sorry. But, no.

I don't have enough friends here. I really hate being that one girl in the room with no husband.

I know it's lame and cliche and whatever other word a smart kid would use to describe a situation that he or she may or may not know a hill of beans about... but it's starting to take a LOT of effort on my part to keep from thinking about it or feeling almost... exposed... does that make sense?

Can you hear me, invisible crowd?

*sigh* Keep trucking ahead.

There has to be something on the other side of this. I know it will be beautiful.

I know it.

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You know what? I used to be really funny. Like, I would effortlessly write things that were just funny. Must be a funk I'm in...

Hate that.

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In other news, I must give props/shout out to Jenna for introducing me to Parachute. I love having people in my life who just know what fills my bubble.

Also, I think I'm actually going to jump on the Sufjan Stevens train. I know, I know, how oddly trendy of me. The thing is, I never really thought the guy could sing. As a matter of fact, his "honesty" or whatever it is we're calling folks who really have no talent these days kind of grated on my nerves. But after spending some time with the older album Seven Swans (I think 2004), he might be growing on me. We'll see. I'll keep you *wink wink* posted.

I have a song.

Sometimes, when I think about college, I get really sad.

I'm not crazy about this "in between" place. I've heard it's a really good thing that I'm doing. Waiting until I've got things figured out before I try to go start a family or something. Waiting until I've found the one whom my soul loves. Waiting until I'm out of debt (or at least close to it).


...waiting, waiting, waiting.

Is anything moving at all? Is everything moving except me?

**Note: There's a wedding reception going on downstairs... lots of sappy music and happy people. Making me a little nauseated. Sadly**

Slow dances. Dressy dresses. You know, I never did that really. And when I did, it was so uncomfortable. God, so much of my life has been uncomfortable.

Did I do that?

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*sigh* I'm not old.

I'm not old.


I'm not that old.

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I guess it just really comes down to not passing up the opportunity to cry. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, because I know I have a story.

This is just the part that feels like I don't.